How Soon is Now?
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: Whilst everyone around Watanuki Kimihiro withered and passed, he was the ageless flower never meant to truly blossom. Waiting for the inevitable, he wonders how much time he truly has left and whether it is time worth remembering after all.
1. How Soon is Now?

A/N: Well, here's my first attempt at XxXholic fiction. Let's see whether it'll be my last as well. -.-; This does have spoilers for the newer chapters, but I haven't read the newest chapters (I believe the manga is now at 205 chapters, but I'm not 100 percent sure) so if something is inconsistent to what's out right at this moment, that's why. I'm too lazy right now to actually go and re-check myself, sorry.

So yeah. **SPOILERS FOR NEWER CHAPTERS**. Just making sure you guys get that just in case you're not up to date and don't like reading author's notes. :) Btw, this story contains hints of 104 (Doumeki/Watanuki shipping just so ya know) and a whole lotta contemplation on Kimihiro's part. Just sayin'. Some people aren't... into that? o.O;

Please enjoy. :)

Disclaimer: Don't own XxXholic, but I do wish I had Clamp here so that they could tell me WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. I'm so confused at this point, I'm just hoping for a bone. But this is Clamp. I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. -.-;

* * *

Title: _**How Soon is Now?**_

* * *

His eyes were unseeing through the cloud of smoke hanging overhead, the weight of two frail-looking bodies stretched over his legs doing nothing to break his attention away from the tiny swirls of ashen air burning his cerulean-golden eyes.

Putting the pipe down, even as it still burned with a bitter substance that was now a permanent scent onto his body, his gaze closed tiredly before tiny droplets of salty water could escape it.

He was exhausted.

He was weary.

He was still waiting.

"Watanuki…?"

Watanuki Kimihiro, as he is still called, did little to show he was paying attention as a round black mass jumped onto his lap and, for once, did not smile but instead patted its small stomach with enthusiastic vigor.

"Watanuki, I'm hungry…"

"You're a bottomless pit is what you are." Watanuki muttered crossly, distinctly remembering having left the black puff-ball a good deal of food before his lackadaisical session. "Mokona, get off of me. You two, please, my legs are starting to cramp up."

"Aw…" The blue haired girl moaned.

"But we're comfy!" The pink haired girl whined.

"But, but… Watanuki, I'M HUUUNNGGGRY!" Mokona wailed out as the two soulless girls scampered off the wish-granter, eyes now filled with newfound mischief. "Nuki-chan is trying to staaarve meeee!"

"Master…" Moro sang out as she grabbed her sister's hands.

"That's not very kind!" Maru finished, both small girls now skipping about the lounging room as they giggled in childish glee.

Ignoring the wailing Mokona and equally annoying Moro and Maru still jumping up and down in nonsensical patterns, Watanuki slowly made his way into the kitchen, wondering if there was anything within there with which to entertain himself (along with something to stuff within Mokona's mouth).

Another slow-paced day was beginning after all…

Watanuki pretended to ignore the downtrodden look on Mokona's face as he refused to rise to the bait, the smoke from the room still clinging onto his clothes and ageless skin.

* * *

"Oi."

Watanuki didn't even flinch as he turned his head, the stoic face never-changing despite the years of age added to it. "If you're looking for food then you'll have to wait. Mokona's already had his fill… which means you'll have to wait for a brand new meal to be made since there's virtually nothing left."

"Hm." Dropping the bags of groceries that had been hanging from his hands, Doumeki Shizuka carelessly shrugged as he made his way into one of the kitchen chairs and stared at the former-spaz-turned-nonchalant-wizard. "I can wait."

Freezing up for just a second at the sound of the word, Watanuki stared down at the dishes he was currently washing. Warm soapy water clung to his fingertips as he pulled his hand up and stared at the wrinkled skin pruned from the overexposure to moisture.

"But for how long though…?"

"What was that?" The archer asked as Watanuki went back to the dishes, already planning the next meal.

"Nothing…"

* * *

"You're acting much more spacey than usual." Doumeki quietly complained as they sat out by the veranda, never quite leaving the boundaries of the shop but straying just far _enough _to be comfortable. "What's the matter with you?"

"I'm surprised you're even asking." Watanuki chuckled, letting the smoke fall from his lips as he stole another exhalation from his pipe. "I'm simply thinking. I have all the time of the world to do so after all."

"Something is bothering you."

"Way to be blunt…" The pale-skinned wizard felt his old self spark at the words, even if this newer, not quite mature self did little to show his annoyance. "Something is always bothering me. You simply need to check what time of day it is to figure out what it could be at that moment."

"Lovely cynicism." The broader of the two shifted his legs as he stared out into the space just beyond the shop, never-ending but still so enclosed. "You're not going to tell me are you?"

"Why tell you when you already know that which I am thinking about?" Watanuki calmly deferred as he leaned against his friend's side and closed eyes. "You simply have to think yourself and I'm sure the answer will come to you…"

A strong arm curled around his shoulders as his words faded into the wind, reminding Watanuki both of time lost and time invariably gained.

* * *

_This skin, it won't ever age…_

_Is this how you felt Yuuko? _

_So lonely even amongst guests? _

_How long will it be when the only ones to visit this shop will be customers? _

_They grow older everyday as I stay the same. _

_Will I have to watch them… die? _

_Please come back…_

* * *

Azure and Tawny mismatched eyes kept their gaze onto the floor as the deceptively-youthful looking wizard sat on the queen-sized bed flourished with decorations long since unnecessary. A large chest filled with garish hair-decorations was perched on the farthest wall next to the seemingly-never-ending closet filled to the brim with lavish outfits and neck-breaking heels.

The smell of smoke clung to the room, whether it be Yuuko's mark of Watanuki's, he no longer knew nor cared to know regardless. The comforting scent clung to his nostrils even as the kimono-clad man settled himself over the silky sheets, bitter though distinguishable from all other scents that Watanuki had ever tried to identify.

It _screamed _Yuuko.

"You need a new hobby."

Watanuki blinked as the stony voice echoed throughout the bedroom, the smell of wilderness and incense eradicating the smoke entirely as the body hanging at the edges of the room quickly made their way to the bed and huddled over the thinner man's lithe form.

The silence that hung over the two was heavy and full of tension; there was no need to ask what was wrong now.

Doumeki knew exactly what was bothering the master of the shop, but knowing and speaking were always two separate things in his mind.

Aging hands settled over Watanuki's bicep, causing him to close his eyes despite himself.

_Sleep_…

Minutes would eventually accumulate into hours and hours into days…

Weeks, months, years-

Years would continue to pass in a blink of an eye and still he would stay the same.

He barely dreamed anymore…

"_Sleep_…" Doumeki exhaled into Watanuki's ear.

And when he would awaken, everyone he knew (_which didn't amount to much anymore_) would be just a few hours closer to their own demise.

* * *

_I wish I could see you. _

_If there was ever a time I need your guidance, it was now. _

_What do I do? _

_I'm just so tired-_

* * *

Watanuki said nothing as he closed the paper-thin door behind him, sandals clacking obnoxiously with the wooden floors of the shop.

Misguided eyes stared out into the tranquil setting of the sun, fiery red colliding beautifully with the mellow yellow and burnt orange the sun had to offer. Leaning against one of the poles, Watanuki forced his eyes to remain open and forward.

One day, this would be all he would have left and the ghostly touches and bittersweet smiles within his fading memories would be the only reminder that he had, for a time, not been alone.

* * *

_Of doing nothing but waiting. _


	2. Cinders Falling

A/N: Welp, this was a doozie. -.-;

Originally the first story wasn't supposed to have a partner in crime but I got to the end of XxXholic and it just about _broke my heart_. No, I haven't seen the OVA (nor do I know if it's already out yet) and maybe I will see it someday but I'm just... ARGH! When I become emotionally invested in any long term manga/anime I can be a bit irrational about how it's ended but I feel like Clamp didn't even _try _with this one! Tsubasa had a better ending than did this! Damn it, I can even accept X/1999 crappy cliffhanger! BUT CLAMP, HOW COULD YOU?

Anyway, I tried to take the original concept of the first story and have it flow into even _more _canon-like settings with this continuation. Idk if I'll make another part to this universe (as it's becoming) but I think it's very, _very_ much possible. Please let me know what you guys think and whether or not a continuation would work or not! :D

And the title? Probably my favoritest story title to any fanfic I've written. _Ever. _

Disclaimer: DO. NOT. OWN. NOT. MAKING MONEY. And yes, I mean that about both XxXholic and "Cat and Mouse" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. ^.^ NOW GOES READS NOWS!

* * *

"_Am I supposed to be happy? _

_With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price._

_Am I supposed to be happy? _

_With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price._

_You said… you said that you would die for me. _

_You must live for me too…_"

– "Cat and Mouse" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

* * *

Title: _**Cinders Falling **_

* * *

Tiny white flakes of snow fell over the veranda, spilling over onto his equally pale hand but dissolving seconds before touching skin.

Though the scenery was impeccable in its wintery wonder Watanuki did not feel the same innocent joy he would have years and years ago. These things, these precious earthly things, did not belong to someone like him.

Someone who could not even feel the harsh cold let alone the wet warmth that came soon after.

Winter would come and go and spring would arrive in all its evergreen splendor. Time would continue to spread itself thin and Watanuki would be forced to watch it flow by him but never truly _feel _it.

All he could do now was continue to wait and hope that the tiny slivers of himself still _there somewhere _didn't disappear along with the sands of times swept under his feet.

* * *

It was unsettling walking into the shop and waiting for someone to re-appear that probably never would… at least, not in his lifetime.

Doumeki brushed off the stray snow from his broad shoulders, eyebrow twitching as Watanuki's indolent form did not appear to greet him.

The sound of children sleeping and small mumbles from Mokona led the college student to the veranda, a long lithe figure swathed in a beautiful dark blue kimono meeting his sights from behind. The pure white landscape encompassed the time-sorcerer, giving his ivory-skin a faint silvery glow. Still falling snow created the halo of innocence needed to finish the look.

_Stone cold but still somewhat naïve… _

When would Watanuki be granted his own wish?

Softly, Doumeki pattered next to the bluish-golden-eyed young man and held his hand out.

The snow felt freezing cold to the touch.

"Many are saying it's going to be a harsh winter this year." Doumeki stated, voice loud against the quiet of the shop. The shop keeper didn't even bother to say a word, his eyes steady on one point.

"Classes will probably be canceled for the most part. Do you want me to stock up on groceries before hand?" Once again, Doumeki didn't really expect a response but the sound of his voice was better than silence.

Watanuki didn't say a word as a long arm came around his waist, eyes still glued to that tanned appendage catching snowflakes.

* * *

"_It's hitsuzen."_

Watanuki awoke quietly, eyes relaxed even as his heart raced within his chest cavity.

Trembling hands smoothed back smoky black bangs.

'_Whatever happened to things being simple and clean?'_

Mokona stared up at him with sad eyes, quivering with empathy.

"It's hitsuzen." Watanuki echoed, straightening out his legs and walking forward.

_Always walking forward._

Mokona did not bother to hide his disappointment as he followed Watanuki out of the room, wondering when the real Kimihiro would quit hiding behind this well-placed façade and bring back the strange peace that his true personality always managed to convey with ill-placed remarks, wild wails and hyperactive spastic movements.

"_Yuuko isn't the only one we're all waiting for Watanuki…_"

* * *

Pale hands weaved through the air, blue-gold eyes seeing things that Doumeki could never hope (_or wish_) to see.

Wiping away the remnants of smoldering ashes lingering just above his head, Watanuki barely gave his "guest" a second glance before turning onto his side and pushing the pipe still steaming with smoke onto the desk beside him.

Lackadaisical eyes fluttered closed as the luminal state of relaxation the younger (_deceptively so_) boy achieved became somewhat tense with expectation; what could Doumeki hope to accomplish continuing coming here, watching his friend quite happily fall into the jagged pieces which used to make his old mistress?

Biting his lip in frustration with the little recourse he had at hand, Doumeki remained quiet and stoic; even if Watanuki had changed he would not.

He would be the remembrance of a time that held so much promise and when he too faded along with the reality that did not even exist for Watanuki anymore he would rest as a memory.

"I bought food." Doumeki simply stated, dropping them on the floor beneath his feet as a glassy blue eye appeared behind a pale milky lid and feathered lashes.

A memory that hopefully would not dissolve as easily as the ever growing ashes of Watanuki's former self.

"I suppose you'll be wanting dinner then?" The sorcerer didn't even blink as he hefted himself up and made his way to the kitchen, each stride graceful and full of a hidden light that laid buried within layers of darkness culminated after years of painful solitude. "I'll try to be as prompt as your stomach allows."

Before, Doumeki knows he would have felt happy at these words, but that before is long gone, a time he wasn't ever awake to see.

Walking forward, the golden-eyed young man beat down the _angerragemelancholy_ and kept to his nonchalance like a pro.

He would endure.

_He had to._

* * *

The first time Doumeki kisses him, Watanuki actually has to hold back the urge to cry.

'_Why are you doing this now?_' The eternally youthful man wished to scream, even though he foresaw it and simply disregarded it all as a daydream that would never come true. '_It's too late for us! There was never even supposed to be an 'us' at all!' _

Instead the pale-skinned sorcerer tilts his head to the side and regards the golden-eyed man with a blank stare, even as a separate set of lips pried his own apart and a slick muscle caresses the tip of his own tongue.

Now, however, there is nothing but a resigned acceptance.

No matter how many first kisses there will be, he knows there will always be a last as well. Their prologue is really just an epilogue and it continues on with a death grip that won't let go of Watanuki's sanity no matter how many times he tries to repel and ignore and dismiss.

But Doumeki refuses to let go. He is just as stubborn as his counterpart and just as assuredly as Watanuki will continue to wait for Yuuko Doumeki will continue to wait for Watanuki, and oh, what a twisted cycle this has become.

His soul, or what's left of it anyway, cries every time it feels that first kiss, because each first kiss is really their last kiss without the hopelessness Doumeki will eventually experience as another lifetime is wasted and all they continue to do is _wait_.

* * *

Immortality was not as pleasant as some might think.

Watanuki stared at the young woman's retreating back, face a statue of apathy even as loud sobs echoed within the shop's walls.

The stars sang behind him, lighting the sky with their own special swan song that was never-ending; the tempo slow and steady, but never ever faint.

A choppy giggle rang from the next room but halted after a moment's time. The silence the shop had adapted was reticent and filled with somber acceptance. There was no real noise in "nowhere", the place just between an existence he could not partake in and a non-existence not meant for him to delve into quite yet.

Behind the sorcerer's blue-amber eyes, the stars began to fall and the hum of song exploded into a cacophony of agony.

There would be no requiem for him, just as there was no requiem for Yuuko.

The balance they kept in check for all was their reward, their lives the ultimate price.

The moment Kimihiro's memories became forfeit he had known this, even if only subconsciously.

All around him sparkling lights burnt out, his own inner flame snuffed alongside them.

Regret was pointless in any matter.

All he had left was his unerring, unrelenting apathy.

* * *

"I will stay in this shop… for however long it takes."

_Not_-Doumeki nods as he rises from his knelt position, lips still burning from their last encounter.

Watanuki does not dare to look at him, his pipe clutched tightly between age-less fingers, smooth skin mocking him with its flawlessness. Blue-amber eyes close as the sun sets on another day, the fabricated display unnecessary and painful.

Another reminder…

As if he needed more.

The glass beside his foot was still filled to the brim with alcohol but Watanuki did not have the urge to imbibe it.

It would only taste like another _what could have been _anyway.

* * *

_One day, she will come. _

_She will come and I will be here waiting for her. _

_I must believe that… _

_Because if not… _

* * *

"_It's hitsuzen_."

Her echoing voice was like a hit to the gut, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes.

The indomitable spirit beside him roused, the inexplicable urge to get _closer_ almost breaking the shop keeper until there was nothing left but _Kimihiro_ and he couldn't do this again, he couldn't, not when everything he had sacrificed up until this moment was _Yuuko_ and nothing of himself.

"Are you alright?" Doumeki blandly questioned.

"_My heart is yours…_" _Kimihiro gently whispered, the bed wet and warm from their previous activities. _"_But please don't ask for anything more than that._"

"You look unsettled." The dark-haired archer mindlessly pointed out, the smallest crack of worriment peering out of the edge of his peripheral vision.

"_It's Hitsuzen._" _She drawled lazily on her couch, pipe perched precariously in one hand as the other pillowed her head up. _"_You must feel it don't you?_"

"Memories always linger when you least want them to." Watanuki quietly admonished. A small sip of sake and a puff of smoke later and the smile that usually graced the eternally youthful face replaced the reminiscent frown that had been hovering over Watanuki's visage. "But never mind that. How was your day today?"

Doumeki hesitated for one moment before he began a full itinerary of his day, blunt and straight to the point as always.

Watanuki listened as closely as ever, the placid expression warding off any further questions.

"_I'll wait… forever if need be._" _Doumeki quietly repeated, his own words not heard as the younger boy stared out at the expanse in front of him, determined to a fault. _"_Forever for you._"

Memories could never measure up to the real thing…

Watanuki knew this for a _fact_.

* * *

_If she never comes_

_And all I am left with is the ashes of my old life scattered around me_

_Then I truly know_

_My existence means _nothing.


End file.
